Walk by Faith

So. Last week school ended.

and my sister graduated college. COOL, right?!?!?!?

but, then I moved home.

ok- don't get me wrong, I LOVE HOME! but it is definitely different. I mean, I've changed a lot this past year being away at school. As I was unpacking today, I had the strangest sensation: Didn't I just do this? It was seriously deja vu! I can't believe it has been a year since I packed UP my room and now I'm unpacking it all again. But it's so different.

I have been talking to friend in particular about my feelings about moving home and we both agreed about how we were nervous about being home because we are not the same person who left it a year ago.

But I was talking to my mom and she had some interesting insight...I was telling her about how much I missed my friends (and how they were practically my family for a year) and how it was hard to be home because it didn't feel like home... and she said "well, school isn't the same either. All those people are gone too- you're kind of homeless right now."

but seriously!

They say 'home is where the heart is'- well, my heart is all over the place! It is with all the people I love and miss spending time with! So, it's pretty accurate to say I'm a little homeless right now.

But it also gives me a lot of time to reflect on the Lord's plan for all of us. It's amazing how sometimes in life you have to rely so heavily on that faith that He is in charge. I'm having a hard time seeing the big picture right
now, but I love Elder Holland's most recent conference address. He says,

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith."

I'm going to cling to the faith that I have and remember that the Lord is watching over me in everything I do. I'm making a goal to be better about my gospel study, I think that is what I am really missing. I need to recommit to the promises I've made to my Heavenly Father and keep an eternal perspective. 

Here is Elder Holland's full address...I'm going to study this one for awhile :)

Finals con't

so...for all my friends who haven't QUITE finished their finals...here are some funny thoughts that you can relate to.

I call this: the epitome of finals week.

Commonly heard things on campus:

•  I GOT A 68%!...yes...that IS good...
• Your roommate: "I totally bombed my final..." you: "Oh, I'm so sorry...what'll that do to your grade?" "oh, I'll just get an A-"  "..."
• I seriously don't even care what I get, I just want to be done!!
• Don't worry...there will be a curve!

Commonly seen things on campus:

• sweat pants
•  huge masses of people eerily walking towards the same building at the same time...(seriously, sometimes it looks like those zombie movies!) 
• extreme emotion from people walking out of testing center (tears, happy or sad, are most common)
• no emotion from people walking out of testing center (like all the life has been sucked out of them)

Commonly practiced things on campus:

• failing a test - but you get ice cream* after to make you feel better
• acing a test - so you get ice cream* after to reward yourself
• spend all day in the library, so you get ice cream* to finish your day off
• stay in the library till 2am, so you get ice cream* to help you finish the all nighter

*insert preferred junk food here

Hehe- so there you have it. just a little synopsis of finals week! If you have any funny finals week anything, feel free to comment below! Boy, glad it's over :) :)

until next year.

Finally Finals!

oh the joys. the beautiful joys.

Of finishing finals.

oh yeah! I feel so cool. cooler than...cool.

Ok, so my brain is still fried from this week, but man it feel so good to be done! I walked out of the testing center and man, it was a glorious feeling! Funny story: so I'm sitting in my seat, taking my LAST final and I hear this guy yell "I'M DONE FOREVER!" and we all started clapping and slowly it died and we all resumed our tests...feeling a little disheartened that, while this was maybe this was our last test of the year, some lucky person was done with finals forever. hmmm...seriously, that day seems like it will never come. But I still like college, so I guess finals come with that. so I'll keep 'em. for now :)

ANYWAY- so I'm starting to think about like packing and cleaning and check outs and good byes and such. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. Seriously- I think about where I was a year ago...and I'm not even the same person I was. And I don't even know exactly how I've changed, I just know I have.

Weird. but super exciting too.

Yesterday was the last day in my ward. This ward has seriously become my family. So many incredible people, and I was lucky enough to meet them all! Now we are all going our separate ways, and I am so sad inside...but also so happy! Happy for the memories and the laughs and late night chats and cries and movie nights and desserts and pranks and more food and laughing! Seriously- this year has been incredible!

On our ward facebook page, a girl shared this scripture, and it seriously made me so happy inside:

"And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy"

-Doctrine and Covenants 130:2

How beautiful is that? The friendships we made this year will not end in this life! Many people had wonderful thoughts to share: An incredible women in my ward that I got to work very closely with shared some thoughts with all of us about how finals are so misnamed. They are not terminal! They are just the close of one chapter to allow us to move to the next. Another girl shared the difference of 'goodbye' and 'farewell'. Goodbye is a simply close and ending at parting. Farewell is to wish someone well no matter where life will take them. Another lady shared with me that those who serve most will hurt the most at parting and she counseled me to always hurt when I part. I love that so much because it makes me happy to hurt- happy to know that I have given so much to help and love these people. I'm grateful for those opportunities to serve each one of them and I know that is why I love them all so much!

I have learned so much for these incredible people. I'm grateful for the time I've been blessed to associate so closely with them. 

So, I just wanted to write this all down. I'm sure there will be more posts about this week soon, but for now, that's all I got...I'm gonna go watch a movie or two or three...now that I don't have school. 

:)

Some kind of Balance

Sometimes I think I should get really cute for the day and dress up just for fun.

Other times, a sweatshirt can offer comfort and pockets. soo...

Sometimes I think I should get ahead on homework.

Other times, I think that my social life is much more important.

Sometimes I think I should do my homework before the night before.

See above answer.

Sometimes I think I should make a real dinner

(you know, with all the food groups and such)

Other times, I think: Cereal has nutrients. I eat it with milk...that's a nutrient, right?

Sometimes I think I should start studying for finals.

Other times, I think the time for finals is soon...but not this moment...let's watch a movie!

Sometimes I think I should go to bed early

Other times, I think I can sleep tomorrow night.

Sometimes I think I should delete my facebook.

Yeah right.

Sometimes I think I should clean my room...

Other times...I really only need half my bed to sleep on anyway...

Sometimes I think I wanna get healthy because I know I'll feel better.

(They say that that is a better motivation than looks...)

Sometimes though, Double Stuf Oreos are on sale. 

the beauty in life comes when all these are in balance.

yeah :)

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Potential

So. I just wanna say: I totally called it.

Once I finished that paper, all thoughts of blogging left my mind. It could be the quickly approaching finals and last minute projects that I didn't have time to procrastinate, but I'm not sure :)

But today I'm thinking a lot about being grateful for where you are.

This last year has been full of many new experiences. Many positive, discouraging, educational and worthwhile experiences. I'm happy to say that I am truly grateful for each one!

I am grateful for every time I didn't get a call back for a show.

I am grateful for every C on a test. (there have probably been a few too many of those)
But I am more grateful for the curves on the tests that I received C's on... (there are varying degrees of gratitude, I'm sure!)

I'm grateful for every time I didn't get a role after receiving a call back.

I have reflected a lot on these experiences that some people would call failures. Maybe they were. Maybe they are. But to me, they have been essential stepping stones of where I want to be. The really frustrating part isn't the 'failing', it's the fact that I want so badly to be somewhere that is going to take me a long time to get to. It's not impossible. But it's not fast either.

It's more like me wanting to be in on the other side of the country tomorrow, but I'm only able to walk on foot. And as badly as I wish I could be Harry Potter and Apparate, the fact of the matter it, I can't. It doesn't mean I can't eventually get there, but it just won't happen tomorrow.

And that doesn't mean I am failing now.

i need to remind myself that.

I'll definitely be posting more about these experiences. And the future ones to come. there will be many.
But for today, I am reminding myself to be grateful for where I am. Right now. The Savior loves me today. He expects me to do my best and to call on Him for support and aid. If I do that, then He will come and assist me. He doesn't wait until I've checked off a To Do list and accomplished this list of mortal items. He waits until I invite Him to come and help me. If I can do that, then He will ALWAYS come and be there. I need to have that kind of patience with myself. To see myself through His eyes. With Patience, Love and Potential. So much Potential.

I love where I am. I don't always understand why I'm where I am, but I'm going to love it. And do what I'm supposed to do. Be the best me I can be. Then I'll be ready to arrive to where I want to be :)

Since I Don't Want to Write My Paper Right Now...

In no particular order...

One- this weekend is the LDS church's General Conference. It is a beautiful weekend full of uplifting music and prophets of God speaking to us. I am so grateful for the opportunity to listen and to heed the counsel of the Lord. I'll probably post something about my initial favorite talk and will mention the other talks many times over the next 6 months (until the next conference). If you are interested in learning more or watching the conference click here.

Two- a little off topic, but a little tip on making new friends and helping a stranger: if you ever are sitting in class and you are taking a clicker quiz and the person next to you has dozed off a bit (but they have their notes and clicker out in front of them), be a kind person and gently nudge them and see if they meant to sleep through the quiz. Most likely they didn't. Not that that happened to me today, oh wait. Seriously! In this class I'm in, we have 3 clicker questions a day and if you get 2 right then you automatically get 100%! Awesome, right? But if you only get 1 right, you get a 66%. Not so awesome. So I literally dozed off in the first like 15 minutes of class and I didn't even realize I was out, until I woke myself up and looked at the board and there was a question- so I tried to answer, but it had already been closed. I asked the person next to me if that was a question, and he said "oh yeah, we had two." Really? You couldn't have just nudged my arm. So, note to self, if I am ever in that situation (because I've never sat by someone whose fallen asleep during a clicker quiz, maybe it's SUPER awkward to wake them up) I will wake them up. I don't care about the awkward-ness. What's awkward is when you know the two people next to you saw you sleeping and just ignored you and let you miss the questions. That's kinda awkward for the rest of class, let me tell you.

ok. end of rant.

Three- I just downloaded a FREE album from the BYU Men's Chorus. I know, right? FREE! If you aren't familiar with this choir, you should be. Download the album! If you are familiar with this choir, why don't you already have it downloaded? Click here to go to the website for the FREE download. Did I mention it was FREE? :) :) I just love free things...like free t-shirts. i. love. free. t-shirts.

Anyway...so 3 little things today...nothin big. beware. I may not post as often when I actually finish this paper of mine. I hope this blog survives once the paper is turned in...I mean, the blog was born when I didn't want to write the paper, and some of my best posts were written in avoidance to the paper...so...maybe I should've titled the blog: Since I Don't Want to Write My Paper Right Now...I'll have to blog about the paper itself sometime- it's actually kinda cool. just not as cool as blogging. or eating chocolate :)

We're Hilarious.

I just wanted to tell the world:

My best friend and I are the coolest. and we are hilarious.

Not kidding.

We just laugh. mostly at ourselves. but that's ok, because I seriously think we are so funny.

We laugh at our boy stories.

She makes fun of me for my lack of use of twitter and I make fun of her laugh.

We make fun of things we over-hear people say.

We quote funny youtube videos. a lot.

We stay up WAY too late most nights. even when we both say we have to go to bed early.
~we're going to be roommates next year...can't. wait.~

We laugh at conversations we had the day before. They are like leftover lasagna, better the second day.
(except she doesn't like leftovers...so...new analogy: like kissing- she likes kissing)
(seriously guys, that totally defines our relationship...I like lasagna. She likes kissing.)

We eat cookies. lots of cookies.

She left one weekend. it was sad. but she came home.
(I just can't think about summer when she goes home and I stay here :/)

But yeah- that's really all I had to say today. Well, there are a ton of things I could say, but I just want to keep it short and sweet today. and I'm at her place writing this. and laughing at it. because I seriously think this is so funny.

keep laughing my friends :)

Reflections on Feet

So, here are some thoughts for today:

• I really wish that chocolate was it's own food group. And preferably on the bottom of the food pyramid. (I know they don't do the food pyramid anymore, but that's what I grew up with!)
• I just saw that Disney and Pixar announced "Finding Dory" - the sequel to "Finding Nemo"...no April Fool's here. You can read more about it here. So. kinda excited about that.
• Today was one of those days that you didn't expect to be a good one, but turned out to be! What a lovely surprise :)
• Today was a bad hair day. but that's good to have a bad hair day on a good day. Save the good hair days for bad ones. And it was still a great day, even with a bad hair day.
• I'm so grateful for my feet. Keep reading below for more on this subject.

I really am grateful for feet. I mean, we kinda use them a lot. And I just started dancing and we are really working on strength and initiation in our feet and toes. There is so much power there!

But I really didn't understand how grateful I was for my feet until recently. In mid-February, I had the lovely chance of experiencing a pretty bad jammed toe. It was my big toe, and it was pretty difficult. Believe me, your big toe has lots of responsibilities and I learned that over the next few weeks. Walking was different and dancing was...hard? (I wish my vocabulary was a little bigger...I'm working on it!) But I learned the difference between 'push-through-the-pain' pain and 'you-really-need-to-stop-and-just-let-your-foot-heal' pain; the line is still a little blurry, but I was figuring it out. 

I was so grateful when I finally started to feel normal and walk normal and it was all fine and dandy.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a callback for a musical I auditioned for and part of it was a dancing call. I was so excited and I felt so good going into it! I had even mentioned earlier that week how much better my toe was. So, we started the dancing I felt like I was doing pretty well. Then, the choreographer taught a small jump. It was like a jump turn. I was a little confused about the footing, so in a free minute they gave us to go over the choreography ourselves, I asked my friend how to do the jump. She demonstrated and as I went to copy it, I totally landed wrong. Like you should land on the balls of your feet, NOT the side of your foot/ankle. oh man. Talk about painful. and stupid. Literally the first thoughts that went through my head; "Ouch, I'm SO DUMB! Why would I do that???" 

obviously I didn't mean to.

But still- I was frustrated with myself. It took a few minutes for me to be able to put full weight on my foot, but I was at an audition! So I literally just shook it off and told myself it was just a little roll and it would be fine. It was still pretty painful, but the rest of the audition actually went really well!

As the callback went on, I was waiting to read some lines for the director, and I was sitting on the floor, examining my foot. My foot was getting more and more tender and I even noticed it was starting to bruise. 

SIDE NOTE: I love bruises. I am very proud of my bruises and I think they look cool.

So, when it started bruising, I was actually kind of excited! Battle Wound!

but as the the day went on, I had to go perform in a recital and I went straight there from my callback and of course I had packed heels to perform in. When the recital started, my foot was hurting pretty bad. I started limping slightly to keep weight off of it as much as possible. When I performed it went well, but by the end of the recital, I could barely fit my foot in my shoe it was so swollen and painful. 

So, I called my mom and told her 'yeah, I kind hurt my foot today...'. Literally minutes after I hung up the phone with her, my dad called me and told me I most likely sprained it and needed to start icing it fast. 

Want to know how to spend a great a saturday night? Sit on your couch with you foot in an ice bath. glorious. But I had cookie dough and friends to help me out :) The icing did wonders and the next day, my foot was MUCH better :) but I took it easy and while I had a little limp, most people didn't even notice, so I thought I was doing super well! 

So, fast forward to two days ago. I wore heels to church. not too intense, right? Wrong. I seriously don't know what it did to my foot, but it feels awful. I've also been going to dance (and actually dancing), and while I've been taking it easy, I think that hasn't exactly been helping...

Today was pretty painful, BUT it got me thinking. I am so grateful for this pain!

I'm grateful I HAVE a foot to feel pain. I'm grateful I can walk. I am grateful I can feel pain. I am grateful that my body is working and telling me that something is wrong. 

Overall, I'm just grateful. I'll go home and ice it more and I'm sure it'll be better in a few days. I just realized this was a long post...but it's a story with a purpose. kind of. so, be grateful for your feet :) and don't judge people who take the elevator up only one floor. or walk up the stairs to campus super slow. because maybe their foot hurts. :) :)