Details.

So- I might have mentioned before that I am taking my first official acting class ever this semester. I absolutely love it!

i feel like a sponge. I just want to remember every moment!

So, my teacher loves little catch phrases to sum up a principle. and one of those phrases is...

Details are the KEY to imagination.

Basically it means when we are acting, details are what are going to make it real...what do you see? Taste? Feel? Smell? What is the logo on the object you are holding? etc.

so, today we did a little exercise; it incorporated a TON of principles, but this was one of them: details.

The whole class found a spot on the ground, laid on their backs and closed our eyes. We were instructed to listen to our teacher and to imagine we were going through this situation. It was emphasized that we focus and see the details.

I want to recount a summary of how some of this went down. (in italics is what we were told by my teacher, in normal is what I was imagining....)

You are at the airport, just finished at security, maybe putting your shoes or belt back on...

I'm standing trying to put my brown, fluffy boot on as fast as I can, but people are still walking around me to grab all their stuff out of the blue bins. I grab my red smart phone out of my own bin and wait for my backpack to come all the way down the little ramp thing.

You are walking to your gate.

I stop to look at a sign, I'm unfamiliar with the airport. I find my gate, C, to my left and begin walking towards it, casually looking at all the people sitting in gates A and B. I did pass a bookstore, back by the sign. It was cute, well lit and 2 or 3 people standing in line at the registrar. 

You arrive at your gate, you have a drink, what is it? You see someone attractive; what do they look like?

I find a seat close to the window, pull out a SoBe lemonade and open it and take a small sip. yummy! I glance over to gate D and there is one attractive guy, 24ish, with short, clean cut dark hair. He is dressed in business casual and is reading a book.

~this goes on for awhile...eventually we end up on the plane, and we take off (LOTS more details being imagined that what I am actually posting)~

The flight attendant hands you a napkin and the small plastic cup with your complimentary drink.

I'm in the window seat, so the attendant leans over the man in a business suit with glasses to hand me the napkin with the Southwest Airline logo in the bottom right hand corner and the small, plastic cup with my Sprite in it. I just finished a bag of peanuts and the bag is sitting on the try in front of me. I am about to take a drink when...

There is some turbulence. You spill your drink...

 I say "Crap" under my breath as I grab my napkin and wipe up the small puddle of Sprite. 

The turbulence doesn't stop...the plane gets quite and the pilot's voice comes on and says they are returning to the airport for an emergency landing. The flight attendants come rushing down the aisle collecting trash.

I put my tray up and my hands immediately grasp my arm rests. I press my head against the head rest and glance out the window. It is very rocky, so I close my eyes and my breathing gets more labored. I hear small sniffles from the ladies behind me. I focus on my breathing...in...out...in...out..

LOUD CRASH! (my teacher actually drops a metal chair on the floor) The pilot comes on and instructs everyone to put heads between their legs. The plane is slowly inclining downward.

I jump and grab my arm rests even tighter. My only thoughts are to keep calm and to not panic. I slowly follow the pilot's instructions. I blink very slowly, afraid to keep my eyes closed too long, but not wanting to have them open either. I say silent prayers. My breathing continues to be shallow and labored, especially since I'm leaned over. I notice the grooves on the floor- dirt has settled in between all the grooves and there is even a piece of pink gum smashed into it. The plane is silent except for random, soft cries of surprise when the turbulence hits.

You begin to feel the plane level out. You hear sirens from rescue teams below. 

I lift only my head to glance out the window- I see red and blue flashing lights down below. I spring my head back down, focusing on the gum on the floor and making sure I continue to breath. 

~long story short, the plane lands safely, then our teacher instructed us to get ourselves out of the plane, and when we were done to sit up~

The applause for the flight crew finally ends. As soon as the people in my row file out, I walk (my legs feeling like jello), out to the aisle, almost forgetting my backpack that was up above my seat. I can't help but stare at the ground as we all slowly, file out of the plane. I am breathing slowly, yet once I get out to the airport I nearly collapse on the black waiting area seats, grab my phone in my sweatshirt front pocket and with shaking hands begin to dial my mom's number. My eyes begin to fill with tears as the shock wears off and my body all begins shaking.

At this moment in class, I sat up very quickly because I realized my hands were actually hot and sweaty and my eyes were actually filling with tears. My heart was racing and as I began to wipe my sweaty hands off, I saw they were shaking too. Our teacher had helped guide us to see with such great detail, that my body was literally reacting. 

I was amazed! I loved it! I loved experiencing first hand how I could emotionally connect to a situation I have never been in before. I have previous experience I could draw from and was able to create a whole new (imaginary) experience!

 Woah. so. cool.

 I have so much to work on so I can actually apply this to my acting, but I just thought it was the coolest thing! :)

School.

Yes, the creativity of this post title is remarkable.

But I have some thoughts about school, so it seemed appropriate!

So, today was the first day of school for me :) Woot. I only had one class today...at 8am, none the less, but I feel that 'first-day-of-school-jitters' are already out of me. Being a sophomore, boy, I know all the tricks and what to expect. Ok, that's a lie. but I definitely feel better knowing I know more than at least a couple thousand students on campus (aka freshman). I know, it's a power thing, but com'mon, everyone is relieved when they can finally stop responding "Freshman" when others ask what year you are :) I also think about how my attitude towards school has changed in the past year...

I remember last year when I wanted my whole schedule figured out, books bought and classes mapped out before the first day.

Ha. that didn't last long.

I remember the first time I dropped a class, after the semester had already started, and added 2 news one the same day. Woah. I was so nervous!

Here is a short list of advice I heard as a freshman, didn't believe, and now know them as hard core truth:
1. You don't have to have all your books before class starts.
I still haven't bought all my books yet. but why not! I probably won't use half of them, so I may as well wait till I go to the class before I know. Unless you get notified by your teacher before school starts, just wait- and you don't have to go to the bookstore, look online, find them used, you'll be fine...
2. Your schedule is yours, once school starts, you are NOT locked into it.
Well...until the add/drop deadline, which you should look up so you don't miss it! haha I am starting this semester with a big hole in my schedule, hoping to add a class- but I have to go to the class and talk to the professor and pray there is room for me in the class- ok, that is a little stressful, but it'll be alright.
3. 8am is a terrible time to have class.
ok, so this one I've always believed...but of course, I have 8am class every day this semester. and i know it's true. I know I'm dumb, but sometimes that is the only time the class is offered. (and it won't be that bad...but I guess time will tell.)
4. The syllabus is the law.
Dude, if you have any questions, most likely the answer is in the syllabus. it just is.
5. Sleep is actually a good thing.
I don't think I went to bed before 1 or 2am all last year. This was dumb. I realize. But it happens, and that is one thing I needed to learn by personal experience. And every freshman should never sleep, because after that, you actually want to give up social experiences to be in bed by 11:30, haha (so I say the first day of class...hopefully this sleep schedule sticks!)
6. Wendy's frosty's are always a good idea.
they just are.

so...as I approach this school year, I'm going forth with confidence that I am not a freshman. haha :)

There you have it

So. I really do enjoy having a blog.

You probably wouldn't know it by how often I post on here, but it is the truth none the less.

But as I reflect on this coming school year, I'm seeking comfort in having a space to record my candid thoughts. My thoughts that I want to share, but am not sure where they belong. It's nice to know they belong here.

This year is going to be hard. I think the anticipation of it is worse than it will be. But maybe not. What if it is worse than I expect. It could be. But it could also end up being a simple semester. But most likely not, haha. And I don't know how I'm feeling about it- I mean, there are so many things I need to do...I'm starting to see my social life slowly disappear...but who knows. Not me. I'm excited though...in a nervous kind of way.

I've had so many thoughts this last week. So many thoughts that I want to share. So I'm going to start again. Every so often I have to remind myself that I don't have to wait for January 1st to rededicate to a goal. But I also heard a TED Talks about not sharing your goals with others... (It's worth a listen). So- I'm not going to share my goals for this school year...not yet at least. So, here it goes. A new year.

And there you have it.

enunciation

well, being a vocalist, I've always been taught to really enunciate. I also was a chronic 'mumbler' as a child, so now I am much more aware of how I speak. (I would get so frustrated when all people would ever respond to me with was "...What?")

ok, I try to. I'm not perfect. and I definitely try. but mumbling is definitely still an issue sometimes.

BUT. still. As a singer, and a performer in general, speaking clearly is very important. How in the world can you touch an audience if they don't know what you are even saying?

Then there are those words that people subconsciously 'mumble'... Have you ever noticed how people (yourself included) say "Fur" instead of "For" when you are talking quickly? Start listening for it. It'll drive you crazy!

My personal favorite is (my favorite word): obviously. Most people just say "ah-viously". Hello! You're missing the very important "b" sound! So, I always try to say "ah-B-biously" :) It's such a fun word :) It's so sassy.

This leads me to my second point: Taylor Swift

I have no problems with her songs, I actually like a lot of them. But seriously- I can NEVER understand her songs. I constantly have to ask people what the lyrics are, because apparently that's why her songs are so good. But a dear friend showed me the following video. And honestly, this is how I feel when I hear her songs (especially the first time).

Point made.

"Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, cold hard ground!"

com'mon people. a little enunciation goes a long way.

a blog?

oh yeah- I have a blog.

haha I guess this was bound to happen...it is summer, I'm working a lot, I'm eating lots of ice cream, the blog was bound to get put on the back burner. But I'm back. For now.

I don't have tons to blog about, except if you all want to hear my thoughts on the new show Graceland (starring Aaron Tveit- he is incredible... he plays Enjorlas in the new Les Mis movie...here is his IMDB profile. I just really. like. him), or the Bachelorette (Drew is my favorite, but I watched the preview for this coming week and I don't know what's going to happen...), or So You Think You Can Dance (I'm still at least one episode behind, so...I don't have a lot to say about it yet, so yeah :) The dancers are still brilliant!), or Downton Abbey (yes, I just finished watching, or should I say rewatching, the first 2 seasons again...I am dying for the 4th season to come! Hurry BBC!! Hurry!!)- I have lots of thoughts on those.

but I promise I don't just watch TV.

Yet, the evidence is against me. I do have some great thoughts on those shows...

Perhaps I'll start using this blog to record those thoughts. Or not. I'll just start remembering I have a blog and start writing...the things I used to write...hehe

Until next time :)

nuthin particular...

So, I just wanted to write. I don't have anything in particular to write about...not today :)

Come this Wednesday, my two very best friends will both be out serving full time missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I cannot even begin to explain my excitement for them :) Come next Wednesday...most of my close friends will be in the Missionary Training Center or already out in their assigned mission. crazy. I am just so thrilled for each of them! :) I'll write more about this topic later...it deserves its own post :)

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...so- do caramel apples count? Yes. Yes they do. and tonight I ate a delicious peanut butter and white chocolate covered caramel apple :) de-wish-ous :)

Sometimes I feel like no matter how much I plan, I am NOT a good planner. haha I always have great ideas of what I want to get accomplished, but I usually only get maybe half of it done. I have too much time. I don't know how to be productive in free time. I function much better when I'm in school full time, have a part time job, and a church calling while balancing a decent social life. This whole only-have-two-jobs-and-nothing-that-requires-you-to-wake-up-before-nine-am business...I just don't know how to take full advantage of all the time. so, yeah.

but I do like following the Bachelorette. yes. I admitted it. I am not completely ashamed. but shh- I haven't watched this week's episode yet!

alright. time for bed :) I don't know why I avoid going to bed, I always am very excited to go to sleep- but I guess I'm such a night owl, I'd much rather stay up super late and get up late than go to bed relatively early and wake up early...anyway...'night world :)

Lost Purse and Comforting Words

Do you ever have moments when you just need a little reminder that Heavenly Father loves you?

This morning was definitely one of those times. Sometimes these reminders come by way of finding a lost purse. Others are through the words of living prophets that expound on gospel principles. 

Today, I experienced both of the above. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who, in small  discouraging moments in our mortal life, gives a sweet reminder that all will be well and that He is aware.

"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead."

Men. we recognize that we are complicated. but it's not about the nail.

The World Needs more Voice Lessons

so. There's this thing. maybe it's a feeling. I guess it is more a feeling than a thing. since it is something I feel...

I don't know if everyone gets it. I think so. Maybe not in the same way as me, but I hope everyone does. it is such a unique feeling, but maybe not...if everyone gets it...

ok- so, I don't know how to start out talking about this. I guess I'll just go for it.

I need to perform.

Well- I thought I did.

It has been over a year since I've been in a fully staged musical. This is by far the longest time I've gone. I can't even believe it's been that long. but then my heart starts to ache and I realize I can believe it. because I can feel how much it affects me.

Literally- my heart aches/hurts/is sad/is heavy- I feel it...right in the heart. on the inside.

so, I've been thinking a lot about this lately...but then the most wonderful thing happened today: my voice lesson.

You don't understand- my voice lessons are the most wonderful, inspiring, encouraging, incredible, fun, exciting, lovely, ground breaking, intense, always-too-short 45 minutes/hour of my life! (or at least week)

you think I'm exaggerating :)

but seriously!

I have been taking private voice lessons for...it'll be 2 full years in August. It has been an incredible journey! I can't believe how far I've come! And in that time...I don't believe I have had one "bad" or "unproductive" or "NON-groundbreaking/breakthrough" lesson...does everyone get that have those kind of experiences so often? the experience of always having something to progress in and to work on and to learn and to excel in and to grow at?

I leave every voice lesson on Cloud 9! How could I not? Every lesson I learn something new about myself, about my voice, about the GIFT of music, about these incredible bodies we were give, about life, about emotion, about honesty, about communicating, about growing, about being yourself, about being your BEST self...woah. I think the world needs more experiences like this.

basically. the world needs more voice lessons ;)

(this is the part I'm going to reference the feeling I was rambling about at the beginning- just in case you don't catch that!)

I hope that everyone gets to have something in their life that makes them feel so happy and confident in their life. I realized today that while I LOVE performing with all my heart- the journey and growth that comes between performances and during the preparation process is what makes it all worth it. There is a special emotion that comes from performing that can't ever be replicated, but there is also a feeling of progress that comes in a person pursuit of study that is so gratifying. More than gratifying: fulfilling, substantial, lasting, definitely long term :) :) What I really need is to keep learning. not just need because I don't have any other choice right now, but need  as in that-is-the-whole-reason-music-is-so-important-to-me-and-my-life-and-it's-more-than-just-music-but-learning-in-every-part-of-life-but-music-is-a-way-I-feel-the-closest-to-my-potential-as-a-Child-of-God.

 I am grateful that I have found the thing(s) in my life that is shaping me into my best self:
 my testimony of Jesus Christ & the gift of music He has given me.

I truly truly hope that everyone has something in their life that makes them feel this way. Whether is it calculus  or biology or drawing or writing or teaching or whatever your passion is.

I hope you don't think I'm being too dramatic. Passionate. that is a better word :)

Minimum Wage

Mom: I think every college student should have a minimum wage job...it keeps you in school!

Me: Yeah...even those going into music...

Mom: ~looks at me~ So...

Me: yeah...this job is just giving me a glimpse into life after college :)

**Actual conversation with my mother.

**I do not believe that all musicians are bound for minimum wage jobs.

**Yes, my mother and I joke about my future employment...often

Sisters...Sisters...

So, if you've ever seen White Christmas  and are familiar with the song of which this blog post is titled, yay. You are cultured :) for those of you have not seen that show/movie- I've posted the video here. but really. Do yourself a favor and watch the movie. It's a Christmas classic :)

To preface this post- my sisters and I all learned this song and performed it in a talent show when we were younger. It was so fun...and as I've grown up, the lyrics have proven true. :)

But the inspiration for this post came from my younger sister, the baby of the family. She is in junior high and she is very involved in choir (school and community) and she is very talented :) She always asks me to help her with hair whenever I'm back home and we always have fun together :)

But, a little background. (might sound random, but it relates, I promise!)- I haven't been awake before 7am for a year. not kidding. I don't remember a time when I had to be up that early, I have been up at like 7:15, multiple times, but before, nope. nada. seriously, I think I forgot that clocks still work that early.

Yet- since being home (a little over a month), I have been up at 6:30am two times. two times. TWICE. ok, I know, I shouldn't complain, and I'm not! I'm just saying this is very uncharacteristic :)

(Here's how it all relates)- both times I've been up that early have been for my little sister. She needed help with her hair for performances. And both times she came into my room, woke me up and asked me if I would be willing to get up and help. (that's important info, just so you know I did not make a previous agreement to wake up that early.)

Each time I would clearly (well, as cohesively as I could that early) explain how this was a labor of love. Sleep is not something I joke about. but the more I thought about it, it was so true. I really did love her. and I loved her so much that I was willing to do anything to help her.

I will say- my little sister did look DARLING for her talent show performance :)

It's made me think a lot about sisters. I am so grateful for them. REALLY! My sisters, my sisters-in-laws and my dear friends who have become my sisters. I love as I get older and keep learning, the deeper my understanding of love and sisterhood.

All my sisters- while this was taken a few years ago, I still love it :)

Sisterhood is so amazing! It is a bond that can't really be explained. It is a beautiful relationship- one that includes never having to explain why you are crying, boy talk, constant reminders that you are a beautiful daughter of God and lots of hugs :)

All my sisters and sister-in-laws :) Love them all!!

 My sisters are such amazing examples to me of faith, trusting in the Lord and doing hard things! They set goals and are hard workers. They are always there to support me and encourage me and mentor me- I just love them so much :)

My sisters (taken just a few months ago :)

What the Beauty Is

This year I have had many opportunities to learn many different musical theatre songs. Each one has touched me in a way I never thought possible. What I love about my current study of voice is it is more than just making it sound pretty...while that is desirable, there is such much about a character than one must find in order to perform it in a way that can communicate and relate to an audience.

I hope I have a chance to blog about some of the other pieces I've learned and that have taught me so much.

But this post is about a song I thought I loved when I first heard it. but actually discovered my true love after working on it for almost 8 months. (and could continue to work on for probably another 8 years...)

"Beauty Is" from the musical Light in the Piazza. 

I have fallen in love with this musical. It was introduced to me over a year ago...but I can't really remember what life was like before knowing it...sounds dramatic I know. but in the life of this musical theatre wannabe junkie...it's reality :)

But this character is amazing. and these lyrics. I learn something new about myself each time I sing them.

A little background (like....briefer than brief!) a young woman and her mom go to Italy, she meets a young man (Italian), they fall in love...la-de-la...of course there are twists and turns and unexpected character development, but since I've never actually seen it (this will be changed in the near future), I don't feel at liberty to share all the Wikipedia synopsis with you :) But the music is glorious.

This is Clara- the beautiful young women (who has a bunch of gorgeous solos/duets in this show!)

I can't get over these lyrics:

"...This is wanting something, this is reaching for it, this is wishing that a moment would arrive.

This is taking chances, this is almost touching what the beauty is...

I have hardly met a single soul, but I am not alone,

I feel known.

This is wanting something, this is praying for it, this is holding breath and keeping fingers crossed,

This is counting blessings...

And the beauty is, when you realize

when you realize someone could be looking for a someone

like you."

Talk about layers of character just filling those lyrics! It's like a whole bunch of self-realization moments all stuffed into a 3 minute melodic line. 

and I've only scratched the surface of what all that means. isn't that exciting?

Oh to be able to express one's self so eloquently. and in song.


**If you'd like to hear the song, here is a good recording of it - a few of my personal opinions of this recording: Katie Clark (the girl performing it) is not my favorite vocalist...but I like her performance as a whole- taking into account her characterization, I like it. And it is the only really good recording of a performance of the song in the show context :)
**If you would like to hear the original broadway recording, here is a link to that :) I LOVE this woman's voice...so beautiful :)

To Remember

Yesterday was a beautiful tradition we have in this country: Memorial Day.

I am so grateful for the many people have given and who continue dedicate their lives in defense of our country. I couldn't help but read this passage from the Book of Mormon:

"And it came to pass that he [Moroni] rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it- In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children- and he fastened it upon the end of a pole...'Behold, whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them.'"

~Alma 46:12, 20

I feel so blessed to live in this country and to know personally so many people who have sacrificed for the freedoms that we enjoy every day :)

Memorial day is also a day to remember those who have passed on before us. But remembering is something I have pondered a lot through the years. Remembering is not something we do just one day a year. The people I specifically remember on Memorial day, I remember everyday. Because when they left us here on earth, they stayed in my heart and mind. 

Some of my thoughts can be summarize in this song, "Danny Boy"- but BYU's Vocal Point wrote a 3rd verse and I really love it. 

"Oh, Danny Boy, the stream flows cool and slowly, and pipes still call and echo cross the glen. Your broken mother cries and feels so lonely for you have not returned to smile again. So if you've died and crossed the stream before us, we pray that angels met you on the shore, and you'll look down and gently you'll implore us to live so we may see your smiling face once more."

How beautiful is that? I am grateful for the amazing people who have gone before me and are now aiding me in my journey here from the other side of the veil. 

Joshua Kent 

(nephew)

Tyler

(cousin)

Charlene and William

(Grandparents)

Howard DeWitt

(Grandpa)

I love all these members of my family- I think of them every day. I am grateful for my knowledge that I WILL see them again. That promise of the gospel of Jesus Christ influences every decision I make. I want nothing more than to see them and make each one of these people proud of me. 

Kids With Food Opinions

So, I'm not the best cook. I'll be the first to admit it!

But the food I make is edible. isn't that enough?

Obviously, not.

So, I'm nannying over night this week for 2 teens and I feel bad. My cooking has not been up to snuff.

The first night, I made taco salad. Really, you can't mess up taco salad! Well, apparently you can. The younger of the two expressed in passing that he didn't like his meat mixed with refried beans. But that's how you make taco salad...so I went ahead and made it that way. So, he came to dinner and mildly complained and refused to put any meat on his plate.

I felt like nanny of the year. oh, but it gets better.

Then the second night: Hawaiian Haystacks. Simple, right? I boiled the chicken, mixed the cream of chicken and milk and made rice. I was pretty proud of myself. Both kids kept saying how much they liked this meal, so I thought I was safe. The younger even said he never ate it without having seconds. But as they dished up, the younger kid mentioned that the chicken was chewy. I apologized that it wasn't exactly how his mom made it. And he made a little show in saying he wasn't going to have seconds. Wow. I feel great at this point. At least he ate this one though, right? He proceeded to mention to me that tomorrow night was Mac 'n Cheese and just so I knew, his mom put milk in it. Just in case I was wondering.

This morning, I was making sure they were both getting breakfast and he mentioned in passing he would like some scrambled eggs. So I gladly said I would make him some really quick. So I cracked 3 eggs in a pan, scrambled them up and made them. He accepted them graciously and then said "Tomorrow I'll show you how to make...gourmet...scrambled eggs" and explained I should have put the eggs in a bowl, beat them, then add salt, pepper and maybe bacon (or if I was really fancy, I should saute onions)...oops. Sorry for misinterpreting that one...

Then today. Mac 'n Cheese. boxed. but you don't understand. I can't make boxed Mac 'n Cheese. Some kids I used to babysit for actually asked me not to make it for them because I always seemed to mess it up. So here I am, three strikes already. So I took extra time, making sure the noodles were just right. Each ingredient was measured correctly. and tasted the final product multiple times to make sure it tasted normal. I'm not gonna lie, it was good.  I called them for dinner, feeling better cool at this point. They like theirs with a hot dog on the side, so I offered to microwave them for the kids (since I was told that's how they did it...strictly by younger child)...but he didn't even want one.

Yet he ate the mac 'n cheese with not a word to say about it after.

I'm counting it as a success. The joys of nannying kids who are old enough to have opinions.

But I am beginning to fear for my children. poor kids...

Silly Brain :)

ok. I have a few confessions.

1. I don't like the Beatles. I'm so sorry. But in my defense, I've never REALLY been exposed to their music. Everyone just assumes that you love them and I just, don't. At least, from my limited exposure to them, that is my conclusion.

2. I am a serious sucker from Pick-up lines. Seriously. If a guy actually used one on me, I think I might actually give him a chance because I'd be so stunned/amazed that he had the guts to do something so silly.

3. My not-so-secret dream in life is to learn how to Krump. I don't know what else to say. it is true.

4. If I ever gambled, I would get into horse racing. Yes, I watched the Kentucky Derby on Saturday! I had the opportunity to go to the Santa Anita Race Track in seventh grade and we knew someone who's horse was racing her first race. She ended up winning the race and we got to go down into the winner's circle, get our picture taken...oh I loved it! I love movies like Seabiscut and Secretariet - I just love horse racing!

5. I love my long hair. but it spends more time up in a bun than down. But I just can't bring myself to cut it.

6. When I was younger, I LOVED to read. But somewhere between AP classes and choir, I seemed to lose my eager love for it. Isn't that sad? My goal this summer is to get some serious reading in. I miss missing reading. It seems I can go a long time without craving a good book- this is no longer acceptable. I miss staying up late and being disappointed when I finally got so tired I couldn't focus on the words. I know I can get these feelings back...I just have to do it!

7. I love lipstick. but have never had the nerve to wear it on an ordinary day. But I did yesterday. and loved it.

8. I love getting my picture taken- but I find, I do NOT have a photogenic 'serious' face. I wish I did.

9. I love curling my eye lashes. and then putting mascara on them. But I love the curling part!

There you have it. just a little insight into my silly brain :)

Walk by Faith

So. Last week school ended.

and my sister graduated college. COOL, right?!?!?!?

but, then I moved home.

ok- don't get me wrong, I LOVE HOME! but it is definitely different. I mean, I've changed a lot this past year being away at school. As I was unpacking today, I had the strangest sensation: Didn't I just do this? It was seriously deja vu! I can't believe it has been a year since I packed UP my room and now I'm unpacking it all again. But it's so different.

I have been talking to friend in particular about my feelings about moving home and we both agreed about how we were nervous about being home because we are not the same person who left it a year ago.

But I was talking to my mom and she had some interesting insight...I was telling her about how much I missed my friends (and how they were practically my family for a year) and how it was hard to be home because it didn't feel like home... and she said "well, school isn't the same either. All those people are gone too- you're kind of homeless right now."

but seriously!

They say 'home is where the heart is'- well, my heart is all over the place! It is with all the people I love and miss spending time with! So, it's pretty accurate to say I'm a little homeless right now.

But it also gives me a lot of time to reflect on the Lord's plan for all of us. It's amazing how sometimes in life you have to rely so heavily on that faith that He is in charge. I'm having a hard time seeing the big picture right
now, but I love Elder Holland's most recent conference address. He says,

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith."

I'm going to cling to the faith that I have and remember that the Lord is watching over me in everything I do. I'm making a goal to be better about my gospel study, I think that is what I am really missing. I need to recommit to the promises I've made to my Heavenly Father and keep an eternal perspective. 

Here is Elder Holland's full address...I'm going to study this one for awhile :)

Finals con't

so...for all my friends who haven't QUITE finished their finals...here are some funny thoughts that you can relate to.

I call this: the epitome of finals week.

Commonly heard things on campus:

•  I GOT A 68%!...yes...that IS good...
• Your roommate: "I totally bombed my final..." you: "Oh, I'm so sorry...what'll that do to your grade?" "oh, I'll just get an A-"  "..."
• I seriously don't even care what I get, I just want to be done!!
• Don't worry...there will be a curve!

Commonly seen things on campus:

• sweat pants
•  huge masses of people eerily walking towards the same building at the same time...(seriously, sometimes it looks like those zombie movies!) 
• extreme emotion from people walking out of testing center (tears, happy or sad, are most common)
• no emotion from people walking out of testing center (like all the life has been sucked out of them)

Commonly practiced things on campus:

• failing a test - but you get ice cream* after to make you feel better
• acing a test - so you get ice cream* after to reward yourself
• spend all day in the library, so you get ice cream* to finish your day off
• stay in the library till 2am, so you get ice cream* to help you finish the all nighter

*insert preferred junk food here

Hehe- so there you have it. just a little synopsis of finals week! If you have any funny finals week anything, feel free to comment below! Boy, glad it's over :) :)

until next year.

Finally Finals!

oh the joys. the beautiful joys.

Of finishing finals.

oh yeah! I feel so cool. cooler than...cool.

Ok, so my brain is still fried from this week, but man it feel so good to be done! I walked out of the testing center and man, it was a glorious feeling! Funny story: so I'm sitting in my seat, taking my LAST final and I hear this guy yell "I'M DONE FOREVER!" and we all started clapping and slowly it died and we all resumed our tests...feeling a little disheartened that, while this was maybe this was our last test of the year, some lucky person was done with finals forever. hmmm...seriously, that day seems like it will never come. But I still like college, so I guess finals come with that. so I'll keep 'em. for now :)

ANYWAY- so I'm starting to think about like packing and cleaning and check outs and good byes and such. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. Seriously- I think about where I was a year ago...and I'm not even the same person I was. And I don't even know exactly how I've changed, I just know I have.

Weird. but super exciting too.

Yesterday was the last day in my ward. This ward has seriously become my family. So many incredible people, and I was lucky enough to meet them all! Now we are all going our separate ways, and I am so sad inside...but also so happy! Happy for the memories and the laughs and late night chats and cries and movie nights and desserts and pranks and more food and laughing! Seriously- this year has been incredible!

On our ward facebook page, a girl shared this scripture, and it seriously made me so happy inside:

"And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy"

-Doctrine and Covenants 130:2

How beautiful is that? The friendships we made this year will not end in this life! Many people had wonderful thoughts to share: An incredible women in my ward that I got to work very closely with shared some thoughts with all of us about how finals are so misnamed. They are not terminal! They are just the close of one chapter to allow us to move to the next. Another girl shared the difference of 'goodbye' and 'farewell'. Goodbye is a simply close and ending at parting. Farewell is to wish someone well no matter where life will take them. Another lady shared with me that those who serve most will hurt the most at parting and she counseled me to always hurt when I part. I love that so much because it makes me happy to hurt- happy to know that I have given so much to help and love these people. I'm grateful for those opportunities to serve each one of them and I know that is why I love them all so much!

I have learned so much for these incredible people. I'm grateful for the time I've been blessed to associate so closely with them. 

So, I just wanted to write this all down. I'm sure there will be more posts about this week soon, but for now, that's all I got...I'm gonna go watch a movie or two or three...now that I don't have school. 

:)

Some kind of Balance

Sometimes I think I should get really cute for the day and dress up just for fun.

Other times, a sweatshirt can offer comfort and pockets. soo...

Sometimes I think I should get ahead on homework.

Other times, I think that my social life is much more important.

Sometimes I think I should do my homework before the night before.

See above answer.

Sometimes I think I should make a real dinner

(you know, with all the food groups and such)

Other times, I think: Cereal has nutrients. I eat it with milk...that's a nutrient, right?

Sometimes I think I should start studying for finals.

Other times, I think the time for finals is soon...but not this moment...let's watch a movie!

Sometimes I think I should go to bed early

Other times, I think I can sleep tomorrow night.

Sometimes I think I should delete my facebook.

Yeah right.

Sometimes I think I should clean my room...

Other times...I really only need half my bed to sleep on anyway...

Sometimes I think I wanna get healthy because I know I'll feel better.

(They say that that is a better motivation than looks...)

Sometimes though, Double Stuf Oreos are on sale. 

the beauty in life comes when all these are in balance.

yeah :)

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Potential

So. I just wanna say: I totally called it.

Once I finished that paper, all thoughts of blogging left my mind. It could be the quickly approaching finals and last minute projects that I didn't have time to procrastinate, but I'm not sure :)

But today I'm thinking a lot about being grateful for where you are.

This last year has been full of many new experiences. Many positive, discouraging, educational and worthwhile experiences. I'm happy to say that I am truly grateful for each one!

I am grateful for every time I didn't get a call back for a show.

I am grateful for every C on a test. (there have probably been a few too many of those)
But I am more grateful for the curves on the tests that I received C's on... (there are varying degrees of gratitude, I'm sure!)

I'm grateful for every time I didn't get a role after receiving a call back.

I have reflected a lot on these experiences that some people would call failures. Maybe they were. Maybe they are. But to me, they have been essential stepping stones of where I want to be. The really frustrating part isn't the 'failing', it's the fact that I want so badly to be somewhere that is going to take me a long time to get to. It's not impossible. But it's not fast either.

It's more like me wanting to be in on the other side of the country tomorrow, but I'm only able to walk on foot. And as badly as I wish I could be Harry Potter and Apparate, the fact of the matter it, I can't. It doesn't mean I can't eventually get there, but it just won't happen tomorrow.

And that doesn't mean I am failing now.

i need to remind myself that.

I'll definitely be posting more about these experiences. And the future ones to come. there will be many.
But for today, I am reminding myself to be grateful for where I am. Right now. The Savior loves me today. He expects me to do my best and to call on Him for support and aid. If I do that, then He will come and assist me. He doesn't wait until I've checked off a To Do list and accomplished this list of mortal items. He waits until I invite Him to come and help me. If I can do that, then He will ALWAYS come and be there. I need to have that kind of patience with myself. To see myself through His eyes. With Patience, Love and Potential. So much Potential.

I love where I am. I don't always understand why I'm where I am, but I'm going to love it. And do what I'm supposed to do. Be the best me I can be. Then I'll be ready to arrive to where I want to be :)

Since I Don't Want to Write My Paper Right Now...

In no particular order...

One- this weekend is the LDS church's General Conference. It is a beautiful weekend full of uplifting music and prophets of God speaking to us. I am so grateful for the opportunity to listen and to heed the counsel of the Lord. I'll probably post something about my initial favorite talk and will mention the other talks many times over the next 6 months (until the next conference). If you are interested in learning more or watching the conference click here.

Two- a little off topic, but a little tip on making new friends and helping a stranger: if you ever are sitting in class and you are taking a clicker quiz and the person next to you has dozed off a bit (but they have their notes and clicker out in front of them), be a kind person and gently nudge them and see if they meant to sleep through the quiz. Most likely they didn't. Not that that happened to me today, oh wait. Seriously! In this class I'm in, we have 3 clicker questions a day and if you get 2 right then you automatically get 100%! Awesome, right? But if you only get 1 right, you get a 66%. Not so awesome. So I literally dozed off in the first like 15 minutes of class and I didn't even realize I was out, until I woke myself up and looked at the board and there was a question- so I tried to answer, but it had already been closed. I asked the person next to me if that was a question, and he said "oh yeah, we had two." Really? You couldn't have just nudged my arm. So, note to self, if I am ever in that situation (because I've never sat by someone whose fallen asleep during a clicker quiz, maybe it's SUPER awkward to wake them up) I will wake them up. I don't care about the awkward-ness. What's awkward is when you know the two people next to you saw you sleeping and just ignored you and let you miss the questions. That's kinda awkward for the rest of class, let me tell you.

ok. end of rant.

Three- I just downloaded a FREE album from the BYU Men's Chorus. I know, right? FREE! If you aren't familiar with this choir, you should be. Download the album! If you are familiar with this choir, why don't you already have it downloaded? Click here to go to the website for the FREE download. Did I mention it was FREE? :) :) I just love free things...like free t-shirts. i. love. free. t-shirts.

Anyway...so 3 little things today...nothin big. beware. I may not post as often when I actually finish this paper of mine. I hope this blog survives once the paper is turned in...I mean, the blog was born when I didn't want to write the paper, and some of my best posts were written in avoidance to the paper...so...maybe I should've titled the blog: Since I Don't Want to Write My Paper Right Now...I'll have to blog about the paper itself sometime- it's actually kinda cool. just not as cool as blogging. or eating chocolate :)

We're Hilarious.

I just wanted to tell the world:

My best friend and I are the coolest. and we are hilarious.

Not kidding.

We just laugh. mostly at ourselves. but that's ok, because I seriously think we are so funny.

We laugh at our boy stories.

She makes fun of me for my lack of use of twitter and I make fun of her laugh.

We make fun of things we over-hear people say.

We quote funny youtube videos. a lot.

We stay up WAY too late most nights. even when we both say we have to go to bed early.
~we're going to be roommates next year...can't. wait.~

We laugh at conversations we had the day before. They are like leftover lasagna, better the second day.
(except she doesn't like leftovers...so...new analogy: like kissing- she likes kissing)
(seriously guys, that totally defines our relationship...I like lasagna. She likes kissing.)

We eat cookies. lots of cookies.

She left one weekend. it was sad. but she came home.
(I just can't think about summer when she goes home and I stay here :/)

But yeah- that's really all I had to say today. Well, there are a ton of things I could say, but I just want to keep it short and sweet today. and I'm at her place writing this. and laughing at it. because I seriously think this is so funny.

keep laughing my friends :)

Reflections on Feet

So, here are some thoughts for today:

• I really wish that chocolate was it's own food group. And preferably on the bottom of the food pyramid. (I know they don't do the food pyramid anymore, but that's what I grew up with!)
• I just saw that Disney and Pixar announced "Finding Dory" - the sequel to "Finding Nemo"...no April Fool's here. You can read more about it here. So. kinda excited about that.
• Today was one of those days that you didn't expect to be a good one, but turned out to be! What a lovely surprise :)
• Today was a bad hair day. but that's good to have a bad hair day on a good day. Save the good hair days for bad ones. And it was still a great day, even with a bad hair day.
• I'm so grateful for my feet. Keep reading below for more on this subject.

I really am grateful for feet. I mean, we kinda use them a lot. And I just started dancing and we are really working on strength and initiation in our feet and toes. There is so much power there!

But I really didn't understand how grateful I was for my feet until recently. In mid-February, I had the lovely chance of experiencing a pretty bad jammed toe. It was my big toe, and it was pretty difficult. Believe me, your big toe has lots of responsibilities and I learned that over the next few weeks. Walking was different and dancing was...hard? (I wish my vocabulary was a little bigger...I'm working on it!) But I learned the difference between 'push-through-the-pain' pain and 'you-really-need-to-stop-and-just-let-your-foot-heal' pain; the line is still a little blurry, but I was figuring it out. 

I was so grateful when I finally started to feel normal and walk normal and it was all fine and dandy.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a callback for a musical I auditioned for and part of it was a dancing call. I was so excited and I felt so good going into it! I had even mentioned earlier that week how much better my toe was. So, we started the dancing I felt like I was doing pretty well. Then, the choreographer taught a small jump. It was like a jump turn. I was a little confused about the footing, so in a free minute they gave us to go over the choreography ourselves, I asked my friend how to do the jump. She demonstrated and as I went to copy it, I totally landed wrong. Like you should land on the balls of your feet, NOT the side of your foot/ankle. oh man. Talk about painful. and stupid. Literally the first thoughts that went through my head; "Ouch, I'm SO DUMB! Why would I do that???" 

obviously I didn't mean to.

But still- I was frustrated with myself. It took a few minutes for me to be able to put full weight on my foot, but I was at an audition! So I literally just shook it off and told myself it was just a little roll and it would be fine. It was still pretty painful, but the rest of the audition actually went really well!

As the callback went on, I was waiting to read some lines for the director, and I was sitting on the floor, examining my foot. My foot was getting more and more tender and I even noticed it was starting to bruise. 

SIDE NOTE: I love bruises. I am very proud of my bruises and I think they look cool.

So, when it started bruising, I was actually kind of excited! Battle Wound!

but as the the day went on, I had to go perform in a recital and I went straight there from my callback and of course I had packed heels to perform in. When the recital started, my foot was hurting pretty bad. I started limping slightly to keep weight off of it as much as possible. When I performed it went well, but by the end of the recital, I could barely fit my foot in my shoe it was so swollen and painful. 

So, I called my mom and told her 'yeah, I kind hurt my foot today...'. Literally minutes after I hung up the phone with her, my dad called me and told me I most likely sprained it and needed to start icing it fast. 

Want to know how to spend a great a saturday night? Sit on your couch with you foot in an ice bath. glorious. But I had cookie dough and friends to help me out :) The icing did wonders and the next day, my foot was MUCH better :) but I took it easy and while I had a little limp, most people didn't even notice, so I thought I was doing super well! 

So, fast forward to two days ago. I wore heels to church. not too intense, right? Wrong. I seriously don't know what it did to my foot, but it feels awful. I've also been going to dance (and actually dancing), and while I've been taking it easy, I think that hasn't exactly been helping...

Today was pretty painful, BUT it got me thinking. I am so grateful for this pain!

I'm grateful I HAVE a foot to feel pain. I'm grateful I can walk. I am grateful I can feel pain. I am grateful that my body is working and telling me that something is wrong. 

Overall, I'm just grateful. I'll go home and ice it more and I'm sure it'll be better in a few days. I just realized this was a long post...but it's a story with a purpose. kind of. so, be grateful for your feet :) and don't judge people who take the elevator up only one floor. or walk up the stairs to campus super slow. because maybe their foot hurts. :) :)

Happy Easter

So, today could not have been a more beautiful Easter :) The weather was seriously so perfect and my church meetings were incredible! I got to spend the evening with my siblings who live close and I got to open a few gifts from my mom (which I love!). It was just an over all wonderful day!

I am so grateful for the reminder that Easter is. A reminder that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, lives! I know that and am comforted everyday by it. I tried to find a Mormon Message to post for Easter (because I love those videos...there will probably be many posted here :) but I ended up wanting to share this specific video that my sister shared first (because she is incredible!). I'll let the video speak for its self- but it is just another reminder of the Hope the gospel of Christ brings. I am so grateful for that. :)

So I started a Blog

So. I know that it's kinda cheesy, but I literally have always wanted to start a blog. I think it is so trendy and cool and I've always wanted to be trendy and cool.

So, I've been thinking: "I've done a lot this year I never thought I would!" I am currently hoping to study Musical Theatre- something I never thought I would actually do. It was one of those dreams where you were 15 and at Disneyland and they say make a wish and you wish something completely absurd and just kind of smile to yourself thinking, 'yes, I have realistic dreams, but this dream is for Disneyland'. I don't know- it makes sense in my head. But I'm doing it! It's very unreal. and very fun. I've never auditioned for more musicals in my life. And some on a professional level. Another thing I never thought I'd do. I'm taking dance classes and plan to take more. Something I never thought I'd do. I'm in college and working and buying my own food and batteries and signing contracts for housing. Something I figured I'd do eventually, but can't believe I'm actually old enough to do.

Hopefully you get the point. I am in a very go-getter, I-can-do-anything mood lately. and it is great. And in celebration of this mood (and after being inspired by many people around me) I just made a decision. It's not going to be fancy, just a place to reflect and hopefully inspire. And why not?

So, I started a Blog. :)